Marianne Lugasso[Cyndi Lauper] Ira's long-forgotten wife of 20 years, who once managed a casino in Atlantic City. They were married in 1973 and lived with both sets of parents for 6 months, and were finally divorced in 1993 so she could legally marry her unseen beau (a Count) and move to Luxembourg.

She returned briefly as a widowed Contessa, and tried to engage Ira's attentions by offering him an interest-free loan to finance his new catalogue business. It is possible she was feeling guilty about the peyote incident in 1974 involving Ira, the night before he took his SAT exams.